How Not to Approach a Rabid Deer

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Here at Rabid Outdoors, we know sometimes you forget how you’re supposed to act.

For example, when you come across a rabid deer in the woods, you don’t try to pet him.

While that may seem obvious, here are some other actions that would be best to avoid in your rabid deer encounter.

  • Do not call the deer names. He only speaks deer, so you’d be wasting your breath.
  • Do not make funny gestures and try to taunt the deer. He may think it’s some sort of attack code.
  • Do not wave a red flag at him. Unless you’re one of them Spanish bull fighters.
  • Do not run. The deer is faster than you.
  • Do not shoot him. We’re pretty sure rabid deer does not make for good eating.
  • Do not make any snorting noises. You may accidentally come up with a mating call.
  • Do not paw the ground and use your fingers for antlers. (See funny gestures above).
  • Do not try to run him over with your truck. If you miss, you’ll probably get your truck stuck in a mud hole and then look where you’ll be.
  • Do not try to run him over with your four-wheeler. The deer will just jump on top of you.
  • Do not let him follow you home. Rabid deer have been known to drain a keg in an hour.

This information is a public service of Rabid Outdoors, your Rabid Deer headquarters.