Rabid Fish Phenomena


On the Seven Seas, the lakes and streams, there are so many phenomena that can only be explained as the work of a Rabid Fish.


Take the puffer fish. Please, We don’t want it. If another fish tries to eat it, it blows up and chokes it. If a puffer fish does get swallowed, it is full of poison and will kill whatever eats it. Such a beast can only be explained as a Rabid Fish.

How a Rabid Fish was able to wreak such havoc on the world’s waterways is a testament to its longevity and toughness. That’s also why you should never try to eat a Rabid Fish. It’s old and tough, and the smell alone would do you in.

So what are some of the other Rabid Fish explained phenomena.

  • Have you ever wondered where barnacles come from and how they manage to attach so well to the sides of boats, the piers of docks and anything else that are in the way? The fact that barnacles are living things is weird enough, but their existence can only mean a Rabid Fish was involved in their creation.
  • Sea grass thrives underwater while any other grass dies underwater. How can that be? How did one species of plant decide that it should live underwater? There can be no other reason than sea grass is what a Rabid Fish eats. We’re not sure if he smokes it, too.
  • Oxbow lakes are a curious creation. What would suddenly make a river decide it didn’t like the course it was on and switch to another spot? It just leaves behind a big crook of a lake and fishermen seem to be happy about it. A Rabid Fish had to be involved.
  • There are thousands of species of weird looking fish out there. From the clown fish to the frog fish to the hammerhead shark, there is only one explanation. Somewhere a Rabid Fish is laughing its ass off.
  • Rivers that flow north is explained away that
    they are simply flowing downhill. Yet how does the St. Johns River in Florida flow north? There’s no downhill in central and northeast Florida. It starts in a swamp and flows into the ocean at Jacksonville. So either Jacksonville sucks or a Rabid Fish is doing a number on people’s heads.
  • The Loch Ness Monster has got to be Rabid Fish inspired. If old Nessie does exist and it’s not just the result of too many Scots imbibing too much single malt scotch, then a Rabid Fish was probably at fault.

There are so many things in the water that just don’t make any sense. Like why can you never seem to haul in the big one? There’s only one reason. A Rabid Fish is swimming amok in the world and we are at its mercy.

This is a public service message from your friends at Rabid Outdoors.