What Not to Feed a Rabid Deer



     Hunters are constantly looking for the perfect feed to lure a deer into the scope of their rifle and many claim to have that perfect feed.

     The Rabid Deer isn’t crazy about the names of some of these so-called perfect feeds. While “Feeding Frenzy” sounds kind of fun, it’s obvious what “Fatal Attraction” deer feed is about. The Rabid Deer doesn’t want to see its pet bunny turned into stew.

     As always the good folks at Rabid Outdoors want to stay ahead of the game. The heck of with all those people trying to sell you that perfect deer feed. Here’s what you shouldn’t feed a Rabid Deer:

  • Do not feed a Rabid Deer corn. It will just save it all up, pop it up and invade cinemas across the country.
  • Do not feed it candy corn. It knows the difference and is not amused.
  • Do not feed a Rabid Deer any kind of meat.  It’s an herbivore, you idiot.
  • Do not try to feed it your tree after Christmas. The tinsel gets stuck in its throat.
  • Do not feed it anything purple. The Rabid Deer gets nasty flashbacks.
  • Do not feed Rabid Deer marijuana. You’ll just have a herd of them lying around your yard all day.
  • Do not feed Rabid Deer pistachios. It has no opposable thumbs and can’t get them out of those shells.
  • Do not feed it cranberries. You won’t believe the mess you’d have everywhere.
  • Do not feed a Rabid Deer anything red. It just pisses it off and it starts charging.
  • And, finally, the Rabid Deer does not like the brown M&Ms and has a rider in the contract for its live appearances against them.

     This is a public service message from Rabid Outdoors, which reminds everyone to buy a Rabid Deer decal and slap it on the back of your truck to appease the beast.